Dependent

I'm fiercely independent, a quality I come by honestly, as I observe it in my grandmother, cousins, parents, and siblings. I was reprimanded while visiting my grandmother for doing too much for her around the house- "Don't make me dependent!"

One of the lessons I am having to learn here is how to rely on others. I am forced to be dependent for basically everything in every day, from meals to communication to transportation. I like to think that I am competent at my job, but much of medicine is taking a history and educating patients. I can count on one hand the number of English speaking patients I've had here and while Spanish has been useful in understanding French it has not helped me speak it. Most patients speak a tribal language as their primary language, while most of the staff speak a tribal language (or two) plus French. Some speak English and they are my lifeline. It is humbling to sit in a room and literally have no idea what is going on 80% of the time as animated conversation in Ewe or Kabiye swirls around. I am completely dependent on someone to pause and interpret for me what has been said. When trying to round in the hospital I can do a physical exam, since that doesn't take many words, but asking any questions reduces me to smiling apologetically and leaving the bedside to find someone to help me communicate. Everyone has been incredibly gracious and helpful, but that's not the point. I'm used to being able to do things on my schedule, on my terms, and in my way, and those options are cut off for me here.

Jesus' teaching has been coming to mind and becoming more real to me: "Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in me. I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing." (John 15:5, italics mine)

My American background and family heritage prides independence as a desirable character quality. Reliance on the right source is something I need to be reminded is a good thing.  This dependence also allows me to see a wonderful side of people as the long-term missionaries and national staff sacrifice their time, energy, and resources to make me feel welcome and included. The missionaries have organized transportation to and from the airport as well as several field trips to waterfalls and markets, and the national staff in the guesthouse and hospital are so warm and giving as they interpret for me, make food every day, and generally point me in the right direction when I need guidance on how things are done.

I'm still a work in progress, and it's good work that is being done in me right now. One surrender at a time.

mosque in the nearby village of Adeta