We all have things that define us, things that we've chosen and earned, or things that we had no part in. Skin color, primary language, accent, occupation, marital status, family member, etc. I've been reflecting on identity a lot lately, and somehow every new book I pick up, new blog I follow, and new experience I have addresses this issue of identity.
For a few years now, I've identified myself as a doctor, and part of my identity as a doctor was being a good one. Sometimes this meant being efficient, sometimes it meant hearing out a patient's story who no one had stopped to listen to, sometimes it meant being in leadership in my residency. In college, the entirety of my identity seemed to be that I was young for my class, and it infuriated me when people would not look any further than that number before they judged me. Living in the U.S. I got used to my identity as a member of the majority- white (glowingly so at times), fluent and even eloquent in English, never really standing out from the crowd. I've even based my identity simply on being a 'productive member of society'- holding a job, paying rent, being on time.
Problem is, all of these things can and will change. I've been stripped of most of them by moving here. My glowing white skin now sticks out like a sore thumb; my Spanish is choppy, childish, and likely heavily accented; my performance in the hospital makes me feel like I'm a medical student all over again. It's hard to be efficient in a completely new system, and every patient case is new to me ("can we treat this here? How do I order this? How does you manage such-and-such in this setting?"). Even being compassionate is hard here sometimes, when I'm finding it difficult to follow their Spanish, or when something they do makes me feel like they're trying to take advantage of our system. I'm the new kid when it comes to leadership (don't get me wrong- I'm very glad I'm not being asked to lead anything right now!) I do still have that deceptively youthful face, but I'm well aware that I'm not 21 anymore and only gain age over time.
Not only are there extraneous things that I use to form my own identity, but many of these shape others' interaction with me as well. My white skin in another country invites more attention and higher prices, potential for taking advantage of my more abundant resources and lack of understanding of how the system works. My title makes people expect something of me- a cure to their symptoms, healing of their physical problems. Sometimes the weight of these identities is crippling and stifling.
My identity can only securely rest in being a child of God. There are no conditions on this- what I've done or not done, what I will accomplish now or in the future. I am simply made in the image of God and adopted into His family. That will never change. Resting in that knowledge, I am given the freedom to extend grace to others. If my relationship with them does not depend on them validating some part of my identity (being a good doctor, a nice person, etc), I do not have to get angry when they are not meeting that need. I can also strip away all of the other identifiers I have given them (demanding, sick, selfish, etc.) and treat them as a child of God.
This is who I am, no more, no less.
For a few years now, I've identified myself as a doctor, and part of my identity as a doctor was being a good one. Sometimes this meant being efficient, sometimes it meant hearing out a patient's story who no one had stopped to listen to, sometimes it meant being in leadership in my residency. In college, the entirety of my identity seemed to be that I was young for my class, and it infuriated me when people would not look any further than that number before they judged me. Living in the U.S. I got used to my identity as a member of the majority- white (glowingly so at times), fluent and even eloquent in English, never really standing out from the crowd. I've even based my identity simply on being a 'productive member of society'- holding a job, paying rent, being on time.
Problem is, all of these things can and will change. I've been stripped of most of them by moving here. My glowing white skin now sticks out like a sore thumb; my Spanish is choppy, childish, and likely heavily accented; my performance in the hospital makes me feel like I'm a medical student all over again. It's hard to be efficient in a completely new system, and every patient case is new to me ("can we treat this here? How do I order this? How does you manage such-and-such in this setting?"). Even being compassionate is hard here sometimes, when I'm finding it difficult to follow their Spanish, or when something they do makes me feel like they're trying to take advantage of our system. I'm the new kid when it comes to leadership (don't get me wrong- I'm very glad I'm not being asked to lead anything right now!) I do still have that deceptively youthful face, but I'm well aware that I'm not 21 anymore and only gain age over time.
Not only are there extraneous things that I use to form my own identity, but many of these shape others' interaction with me as well. My white skin in another country invites more attention and higher prices, potential for taking advantage of my more abundant resources and lack of understanding of how the system works. My title makes people expect something of me- a cure to their symptoms, healing of their physical problems. Sometimes the weight of these identities is crippling and stifling.
My identity can only securely rest in being a child of God. There are no conditions on this- what I've done or not done, what I will accomplish now or in the future. I am simply made in the image of God and adopted into His family. That will never change. Resting in that knowledge, I am given the freedom to extend grace to others. If my relationship with them does not depend on them validating some part of my identity (being a good doctor, a nice person, etc), I do not have to get angry when they are not meeting that need. I can also strip away all of the other identifiers I have given them (demanding, sick, selfish, etc.) and treat them as a child of God.
This is who I am, no more, no less.
